DEAR ROBBIE, PLEASE STOP!!!
This little gimmick you’ve got going on, no one’s buying it. It was almost cool in Tahiti, but then you barrel-dodged. It was never going to be cool at Todos, but then it was much less cool than we could have imagined. That you’re even trying this again is so stupid, yet so truly determined, that it’s almost impressive. But then it’s not. Because you almost killed a guy at head-high, mushy Cloudbreak…
If you’re doing this for glory and fame, please just stop, because I can assure you it’s ruining any credibility you’ve built over the years. If you’re doing this out of pure thrill-seeking, fine, but go try it somewhere wild and remote. No one on a trip to Fiji should have to subject themselves to death by boater cycle.
And if you’re doing this to break some kind of record, why can’t you just be happy with the “longest water ride on a dirt bike” award, which you won to “honor” the previous owner of that title — a kid who died riding one of your stupid contraptions (click here, here, and here, in that order, for that depressing story). That one really fucking gets me.
So from Stab, with love: Please take your silly toy and get the fuck out of our oceans. Forever.
(C) Nelscottsurf.com 2017 / Eric Akiskalian